Fuhhh emo sikit hari ni. Actually dah a few times emo sebab masalah yang sama. My family is not a happy family 24 7. Biasalah tu semua keluarga pun macam tu kan. Adakala baik adakalanya bergaduh. Haih. I know it is not nice to blog about personal matter tapi I need a medium to let it out.
Aku bukan nak puji diri sendiri tapi so far I try my best not to cause any problem to my mom. Dah lah single mom. Kesian dia nak kena tanggung semua benda sendiri. Tak ada partner nak share. Lately my siblings asyik buat masalah je. The problems are already known few years back but the thing is the solutions takes like forever. Tak ada penyelesaian dalam masa yang singkat. Adoi. Me being the one who spend most of the time at home terpaksa consume all the anger that my mom have towards the siblings. I dont blame her for lecturing me but sometimes it got on my nerves and I tend to blurt it out. Aku tak nak lepaskan the tense towards her but as imperfect human, I have my limits in being a good nice listener especially bila kena marah just because non of my problems. Its like being a punching bag. Doing nothing wrong but gets the punch.
I pray to Allah to give me patience. Really need a lot. Aku tak nak jadi anak derhaka. Jauhkan aku dari itu ya Rabb. Sometimes rasa nak jerit kuat-kuat to my siblings and tell them they hurt mom so bad. Sometimes terfikir kenapalah diorang tu tak kena hantar oversea? I was a bad kid before but being far from home makes me appreciate everything especially mom. So I was thinking maybe by sending them off to oversea will make them to realise how much mak has sacrifice. Entahlah. Ya Allah, bukalah pintu hati mereka untuk ke jalan yang benar. Permudahkanlah urusan kami sekeluarga. Tabahkanlah hati mak aku. Amin.
I dont usually blog this kind of matter but somehow this may bring realisation to those who read this. Maybe it will help others to appreciate more and understand the circumstances of creating problems.
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